Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
