i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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