Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I bet he comes in French.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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