we made out on top of his cat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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