someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
