I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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