Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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