I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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