She's JV to your varsity
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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