turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
