I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
