i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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