so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize