He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
