i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
