Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
