you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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