I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
