Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
