he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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