you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
