you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
