I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
