SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
