I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
