I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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