The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
