I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
