we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
