Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
