I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
