i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I met the friendliest cop last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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