I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
