I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
