Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
