How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
