This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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