So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
