3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
