yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
