Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
