and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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