My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
