Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
