I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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