TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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