in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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