I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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