I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
