Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
