I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
