please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
